


feel you inside of me, but see you from afar

by queenmcgonagall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 12:54:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenmcgonagall/pseuds/queenmcgonagall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is out clubbing. Louis is at home, waiting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	feel you inside of me, but see you from afar

His limbs feel like liquid, his mind elastic. The bittersweet alcohol burns on its way down his throat, amber warmth spreading throughout him. He can feel the music inside of him, shaking his lungs and his heart and every organ that thrums with the energy pounding around him. 

Hands find hips. They’re soft, warm, curved. They’re not bony and it feels off, but he pushes that thought to the back of his mind and melds himself into the softness. He’s aware of electric blue eyes burning holes in the back of his head and it takes every ounce of concentration he has not to turn around and give in to the unrelenting pressure of his jealousy. 

_Watch this, why don’t you. Watch me and watch her and watch us and I will feel your eyes ___, he thinks. _See what you’re missing? See what I can be? We could be this. ___

__Those eyes follow him as he moves from partner to partner, round hips to sweet-smelling hair. He aches for stubble and bone and sinew, but what he has is flesh and powder and girl._ _

__He dances until his feet are numb, until the music has become white noise, until every pretty girl is faceless. The alcohol sings in his veins, warms his blood, makes him want to climb to the top of the nearest building and scream until his throat rips open and spills blood everywhere, marking the rooftop with strangled echoes of his complete and utter frustration._ _

__Lights glitter and preen around him, the reds and blues dancing on the angel bones of half-naked girls around him, their hips gyrating in time to the music, their desperation tingeing the air with something he recognizes in himself from time to time. Desperate for air, desperate for wide open, desperate for him._ _

___Harry, c’mon, it’s time to go. ___A hand plucks at his shirt sleeve and he bats it away. The sharp scent of Zayn’s cologne stifles him and only adds to the fog in his head._ _

____Harry, now. He’s waiting for you, don’t do this to him. ____ _ _

_____Who? ___He asks in confusion._ _ _ _

______Louis. ____ _ _ _ _

_______Louis is right over there. ___He swivels and points to a booth bathed in the warm glow of bar light. But all he sees are empty drink glasses and two girls mouthing at each other’s necks, the light glancing off their shining cheekbones. He can almost feel the alcohol zinging in their veins and being of the regretful kind, he can almost taste the regret they will surely feel in the morning. He knows regret, he embraces regret._ _ _ _ _ _

________Louis is at home, mate. He’s waiting for you. He’s waiting for you to come home. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He stumbles out of the club, blinded by the flash of cameras in his face. He trips over his own feet and fling out an arm, connecting with a soft thud into somebody, anybody, but who fucking cares, get out of my way, I have to go home, he’s waiting for me._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lou, I’m coming, wait up for me, ok? I know I said not to, but please, still be awake._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The incessant and damning flickering of cameras are too close for comfort. He can’t think or hear and it’s only the steady pressure of Zayn’s hand on his arm that guides him down the street and into the sleek car waiting for them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The cameras and the shouting follow the car. They want to know, they want to know everything, they want to know his blood, his skin, his heart._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Fine, fucking have it, like I need it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Hey, Harry! Who were you dancing with? Another cougar on the prowl tonight?! ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry, over here! Over here, pretty-boy, let’s get a shot! ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Harry, what’s the deal with you and Louis? Where is he tonight? Dropped him for another married woman? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Harry, are you two dating? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Harry, are you two dating? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Harry, are you two dating? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Harry, why are you alone? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________I don’t know why I’m alone. But if you don’t fucking move out of my way and let me get home, I might very well be alone for the rest of my goddamned life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Photographers pound on windows, drape over windshields, trying to get a shot of his bleary eyes and his sagging mouth. Zayn wraps an arm around him and pushes his head into his rib cage, shielding him from eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Thanks, Zayn._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Please still be up, please still be up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He crashes in the door of the flat and hits the wall, knocking over the coat-stand in the process. The sound echoes around the dark flat and he’s hit in the head with a ton of bricks as he realizes there’s no small body curled on the couch, no light on the kitchen, no whistling of the teapot and he realizes maybe Louis didn’t wait up for him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The air smells empty. It smells of alcohol, of loneliness. It smells like him, because that’s all he is in that moment, alcohol and loneliness._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________I’m alone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He rips off his t-shirt, letting it drop where he stands. He kicks off shoes, trousers, pants. He feels sticky._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He walks down the hall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Into the bedroom._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________There’s a ball under the covers. It shifts. The blankets move and a hand emerges from underneath, tanned skin. Bone, sinew._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He walks over and grasps the hand, bringing it up and kissing each knuckle reverently, tracing the lines of Louis’s fingers with the tip of his tongue, tasting him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________I heard you, you twat. You woke me up. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Sorry. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Come here. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Thank you, thank you, thank you. He slides into the circle of Louis’s arms, hitching a knee up around his hip and pushing his nose into the warm curve of Louis’s neck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________You smell like girls. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________Make me smell like you. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Cheeky. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________He wonders if Louis minds, but doesn’t ask out loud, because he’s not sure he wants to know the answer._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Hey, Louis. Why did I feel you tonight? Is my heart so painfully linked to yours that I feel your eyes everywhere? Why do I feel your heart beat in time to mine, but sometimes we feel so distant?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________I wait for you. I wait for you every day, every night, every minute. You stand within fingertips reach of me, tantalizingly perfect, but you’re scared. Of what?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________What are you scared of?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Scared of? Nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________I’m serious._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Oh. Well. I’m a little bit scared of you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________I’m a little bit scared of me too._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Yeah? Why’s that?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________I think I’m going crazy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Really._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Yeah._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Care to explain?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________I thought you were at the club tonight. It felt like you were there. I was dancing with this girl and she had hips. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________He reaches out and strokes a fingernail on the bony surface of Louis’s hips, listening to the way his breath stutters. His hands strokes down the back of his thighs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________I didn’t like her hips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Well then, why’d you dance with her?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________How should I know? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________He breathes in and out and listens to the in and out of Louis._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________You’re not crazy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________No?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________No. Just in love, right?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________Right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________Well, then. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________His eyes threaten to shut. The alcohol in his veins is gone, leaving him with something he suspects is contentment. Now Louis fills his veins. But he should have known this, should have known Louis was his alcohol, his addiction._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Why are you scared of me?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Because. Because you make me feel like this. It’s a perfect sort of fright, love, don’t worry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________I’m scared of the way you seem right there next to me and then I look up and you’re halfway across the room. Sometimes I feel like we’re on opposite sides of the ocean and all we have is one of those cups-on-string contraptions to put to our mouths and listen to each other._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________That’s cheesy as fuck, Hazza, love. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Hazza, Hazza, Hazza._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________I know, but it’s true. Sometimes you’re Europe and I’m America and America sucks and Europe looks so much better._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________How about we both be Europe?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________Sure. How about we be Harry and Louis?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________How about we be Larry?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________You’re an idiot._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________I know. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________Louis’s fingers run love up and down Harry’s spine, swirl private messages into the heated skin in the small of his back. Louis writes poetry on Harry. Harry squirms, pressing closer to Louis and gently biting his shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Hey, I love you, Lou._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Me too, babe, me too. Let’s sleep, yeah? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Louis puts fingers at the back of Harry’s neck, feeling the pulse point and pressing it. Harry’s eyes drift shut almost automatically, as Louis’s fingers pull the soft strands of hair at the nape of his neck. In the morning, Louis will swear Harry was purring and Harry will smile softly at him under the spray of the shower. He’ll shyly hold out the bottle of shampoo and say make me purr then, Lou._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________Thanks for waiting up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________Go to sleep, love._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________K. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________Harry turns over, presses his back into Louis’s chest and pulls Louis’s hand over him. Louis’s breath tickles his ear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________He’s not sure but he thinks Louis mouths the words _I love you too ___into his shoulder blades. He’s pretty sure he hears _you’re welcome ___float out on the wind of swiftly approaching sleep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________He’s pretty sure he wants to fall asleep with Louis’s hands on him every night for the rest of his life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> kinda inspired by these photos ( [x](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7r83vUZQy1ra1ly1o1_500.jpg), [x](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7ltauKxR71rwvqpeo2_250.jpg), [x](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7ltauKxR71rwvqpeo3_250.jpg))  
> 


End file.
